1 00:00:02,440 --> 00:00:08,540 What will I do when you are far 2 00:00:08,540 --> 00:00:13,880 away and I am blue? 3 00:00:14,140 --> 00:00:19,780 What will I do when I'm alone 4 00:00:19,780 --> 00:00:26,160 with only dreams of you? 5 00:00:32,619 --> 00:00:34,020 What will I do? 6 00:00:58,700 --> 00:01:01,420 I can't read, so I don't know what his seven months there is. 7 00:01:36,060 --> 00:01:42,200 I see you're tidied up, then. I've been waiting for my trousers. 8 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,620 You took your bloody time, didn't you? 9 00:01:45,340 --> 00:01:47,620 Oh, I could hardly drag myself away. 10 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:52,660 It was so romantic watching your jeans wrapping themselves around my knickers. 11 00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:58,780 It took me right back to when a quick tumble meant more than 20p's worth of 12 00:01:58,780 --> 00:02:00,140 air. Hot air? 13 00:02:00,340 --> 00:02:01,780 You could talk about hot air. 14 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:06,500 Next time Richard Branson feels like crossing the Atlantic in that giant 15 00:02:06,500 --> 00:02:12,840 Johnny of his, he could come round here, you could talk him up. 16 00:02:14,820 --> 00:02:18,680 Right. Do you want a lift for your sisters, or are you going to stay in the 17 00:02:18,680 --> 00:02:20,100 wallpaper off the wall? 18 00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:23,880 Hang on, hang on. I just did my thing. I can't wait that long. 19 00:02:25,120 --> 00:02:27,240 My tax desk gets spires at Christmas. 20 00:02:30,000 --> 00:02:32,860 There was 30 quid in here when I went up the laundrette. No. 21 00:02:33,380 --> 00:02:36,540 Some thieving Turk must have had that away while you were adding the fabric 22 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:40,360 conditioner. I didn't take my purse up to the laundrette, you lying merchant. 23 00:02:41,540 --> 00:02:42,940 That's my shopping money. 24 00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:46,160 I won't bloody offer that, you thieving ponce. 25 00:02:46,640 --> 00:02:50,100 Do you know how many customers I had to shortchange to scrape that 30 quid 26 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,100 together? 27 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,320 I was going to put it on one of your three -legged horses, was you? 28 00:02:54,580 --> 00:02:57,540 What I do with my money is down to me. 29 00:03:03,079 --> 00:03:06,820 Parasite? You're supposed to be the breadwinner here. Instead, you're 30 00:03:06,820 --> 00:03:08,000 the crumbs off my plate. 31 00:03:08,700 --> 00:03:10,600 What sort of husband are you? 32 00:03:10,900 --> 00:03:12,220 Don't start all that. 33 00:03:12,500 --> 00:03:15,200 At least I didn't marry you under false pretenses. 34 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,280 Meaning what? 35 00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:18,660 You know. 36 00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,200 Say it. What's the point? Go on, say it. All right. 37 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,880 If I'd known, you couldn't have kids. 38 00:03:25,160 --> 00:03:26,880 Oh, you bastard. 39 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:28,160 Oh! 40 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,340 You told me to say it. 41 00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:33,420 You're bloody mental. 42 00:03:35,420 --> 00:03:36,980 Hang on, what about me lift? 43 00:03:42,240 --> 00:03:43,460 Oi, get off! 44 00:03:48,420 --> 00:03:49,740 What happened to the BMW? 45 00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,960 Swapped it. Through what? 46 00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:53,300 Exchange and prep? 47 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:10,680 Later this. 48 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:13,560 More dogs on this floor than down Battersea. 49 00:04:14,540 --> 00:04:16,440 No, I'm a bit untied, even. 50 00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,980 Like the Atlantic Ocean's a bit wide. 51 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:21,600 Look! 52 00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:25,000 Last time I'll get you a romantic little surprise. 53 00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:28,680 You've had a bird in here, haven't you? Leave it out. 54 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:30,700 I only picked it up last night. 55 00:04:31,960 --> 00:04:33,240 The car, I mean. 56 00:04:34,060 --> 00:04:35,740 Well, you've got to be doing it with someone. 57 00:04:36,040 --> 00:04:37,720 Cos we ain't had anything for Christmas. 58 00:04:39,080 --> 00:04:41,080 Then you kept calling me Sonia. You were so pissed. 59 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:43,220 I had no reason of doing. 60 00:04:44,480 --> 00:04:46,480 But then why should I expect any different? 61 00:04:47,100 --> 00:04:48,400 You're a lousy provider. 62 00:04:49,100 --> 00:04:50,800 Why should you be any better in bed? 63 00:04:51,260 --> 00:04:53,020 I might be if you lost a couple of stone. 64 00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,420 You can make a start by cutting your tongue out. 65 00:04:57,880 --> 00:05:01,140 If only I'd married someone like Meryl. 66 00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,160 My sister wants for nothing. 67 00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:07,100 Three quarters of a million that new house cost. 68 00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:09,390 Indoor pool. 69 00:05:10,850 --> 00:05:13,630 Her swimming costume cost more than my entire wardrobe. 70 00:05:14,110 --> 00:05:16,730 Your swimming costume is bigger than her entire wardrobe. 71 00:05:19,470 --> 00:05:21,370 Blimey, is that the time? They'll be off in a minute. 72 00:05:41,540 --> 00:05:42,540 insurance. 73 00:05:58,660 --> 00:06:04,100 What time is it, Trace? 74 00:06:05,380 --> 00:06:08,840 What's happened to your new golden platinum Rolex diver's watch, as worn by 75 00:06:08,840 --> 00:06:10,640 Ballesteros, Frederick Forsyth, and... 76 00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:12,690 What? 77 00:06:13,890 --> 00:06:15,190 That's a five grand watch. 78 00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:18,290 No, it ain't. It's a 50 quid copy I bought off Chris. 79 00:06:18,710 --> 00:06:21,970 Oh, you ought to know binary's moody stuff's always rubbish. 80 00:06:22,290 --> 00:06:24,550 I know, but he was a bit short and he won't take a handout. 81 00:06:24,870 --> 00:06:26,650 We are talking about the same Chris here. 82 00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:29,450 What my sister sees in him. 83 00:06:29,710 --> 00:06:30,710 Yeah, well. 84 00:06:31,730 --> 00:06:33,010 So what time is it anyway? 85 00:06:34,330 --> 00:06:37,490 It's nearly one o 'clock. That's assuming this watch you got me for my 86 00:06:37,490 --> 00:06:38,490 is a real car. 87 00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,770 I think I'd have a stint when it comes to you, babe. 88 00:06:42,450 --> 00:06:43,450 Look at our palace. 89 00:06:44,190 --> 00:06:45,190 The pool. 90 00:06:45,210 --> 00:06:46,210 The cars. 91 00:06:46,670 --> 00:06:47,790 All for you and Garthy. 92 00:06:48,430 --> 00:06:50,170 Why do you think I work all the hours God sends? 93 00:06:50,490 --> 00:06:52,250 Oh, I know. I'm really lucky to have you. 94 00:06:52,590 --> 00:06:53,650 You haven't yet. 95 00:06:54,230 --> 00:06:55,670 But I think I'll squeeze you in. 96 00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:58,850 Oh, well. 97 00:06:59,250 --> 00:07:00,250 Don't warm me up. 98 00:07:00,270 --> 00:07:01,109 Not here. 99 00:07:01,110 --> 00:07:02,009 Why not? 100 00:07:02,010 --> 00:07:02,949 Look, this is. 101 00:07:02,950 --> 00:07:03,950 We're detached now. 102 00:07:04,390 --> 00:07:06,130 There is one thing I'd really like. 103 00:07:06,370 --> 00:07:08,170 Me too, but I'm not making much progress. 104 00:07:09,790 --> 00:07:14,230 Follow Eastern Paradise Cruise, calling at Bali, Bangkok, Hong Kong, Singapore, 105 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:15,790 Bora Bora and Sydney. 106 00:07:16,610 --> 00:07:19,250 Dunno. I don't really fancy all that Bora Bora nosh. 107 00:07:19,530 --> 00:07:21,030 No? Nah. 108 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:22,270 It's a great idea, Cruz. 109 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:25,370 After all, it's weeks since we went on that safari. 110 00:07:26,390 --> 00:07:27,450 So shall I book it? 111 00:07:27,690 --> 00:07:28,469 Yeah, cool. 112 00:07:28,470 --> 00:07:29,830 Oh, I really love you. 113 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,510 Come on, then. One for the road. 114 00:07:33,530 --> 00:07:34,530 Stop me! 115 00:07:34,870 --> 00:07:37,510 The first time your brother -in -law's been on time in his life! 116 00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,230 What a gorgeous house. 117 00:07:45,430 --> 00:07:46,750 A bit flesh. 118 00:07:47,970 --> 00:07:48,970 That's rich. 119 00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:53,570 Coming from the owner of a white Zephyr with tiger skin seats and more aerials 120 00:07:53,570 --> 00:07:54,690 on it than the Russian embassy. 121 00:07:56,990 --> 00:07:59,210 They've changed their cars again too. 122 00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:06,850 He mustn't have erected a lot of conservatories. 123 00:08:07,290 --> 00:08:09,400 He would I was getting to take you on full time. 124 00:08:09,660 --> 00:08:10,820 I've got my own business. 125 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,360 Oh, yeah. 126 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:16,320 Self -employed minicab driver and walking bookie's Christmas boner. 127 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:20,780 Get you out of bed, did we? 128 00:08:21,180 --> 00:08:22,200 We was poor side. 129 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:24,460 Oh, pardon me for breathing. 130 00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:26,800 She might. I won't. 131 00:08:31,580 --> 00:08:32,919 Beautiful, Trace. 132 00:08:33,360 --> 00:08:34,960 It's like Summit at Santa Barbara. 133 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,780 Well, you can come in, you know. There's no charge on a weekday. 134 00:08:37,980 --> 00:08:41,200 Apart from a guided tour, we've got to be a new Paul Pagnol one. 135 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:45,740 Well, don't be late home, because we've got you a nice fillet steak for you to 136 00:08:45,740 --> 00:08:50,000 see. You take your time, Daryl. I'll make sure your steak goes to a good 137 00:08:55,300 --> 00:08:58,680 She's been living in her dreams. She's been living in her car. She's been 138 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,100 in a plastic bubble. 139 00:09:00,750 --> 00:09:04,330 She's been living way beneath, but she thought her life would be bad now. 140 00:09:05,930 --> 00:09:06,930 Lying. 141 00:09:07,750 --> 00:09:12,090 Oh, yeah, the cross was big. It was all right for a semi, but we was overlooked 142 00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:13,090 by the neighbours. 143 00:09:13,690 --> 00:09:15,370 Better than being overlooked by the council. 144 00:09:16,910 --> 00:09:18,710 I ain't had hot water for three weeks. 145 00:09:19,030 --> 00:09:20,330 Well, maybe if you paid your rent. 146 00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,470 Oh, don't you start. 147 00:09:23,290 --> 00:09:26,110 You forget what a struggle life is for Chris and me. 148 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:28,470 I mean, it's all right for Daryl, isn't it? 149 00:09:28,970 --> 00:09:30,390 He's got a booming business. 150 00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:33,530 Six directors and a full -time accountant. 151 00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:35,390 But what does Chris earn? 152 00:09:35,810 --> 00:09:38,010 I don't know. What does he earn? Feet? 153 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:39,330 Sovereign. 154 00:09:39,550 --> 00:09:40,550 Search me. 155 00:09:40,890 --> 00:09:43,650 It'll be easier to find out the Pope's inside leg measurement. 156 00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:47,550 Then when he does have money, he spends it on sick animals. 157 00:09:53,830 --> 00:09:56,150 Don't suppose you could get Daryl to take him on... 158 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:59,780 Full -time, could you? Oh, no, show. I never interfere in Daryl's business. 159 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:01,780 But I know he don't need no full -time drivers. 160 00:10:01,980 --> 00:10:03,760 Only when he goes on these long hauls. 161 00:10:04,860 --> 00:10:06,620 Anyway, it's enough of the boys. 162 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,100 If it's girls, they out. 163 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:11,060 Got some lovely leather trousers in at Skinner Bronsford. 164 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,400 I can't afford leather trousers. 165 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:14,740 Me purse is plastic. 166 00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:16,820 And it's empty. 167 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:20,400 That cat, I nicked me spending money. Again? 168 00:10:20,940 --> 00:10:21,960 Here, treat yourself. 169 00:10:22,280 --> 00:10:25,060 No. Go on. It's only 50 quid. Go on. 170 00:10:26,670 --> 00:10:28,490 I don't like to play charity, Chafee. 171 00:10:29,090 --> 00:10:30,090 I've got my principles. 172 00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:44,030 Hello, my name's Dorian Green. I live next door. Can you help me? I'm in the 173 00:10:44,030 --> 00:10:45,070 middle of a terrible crisis. 174 00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:55,170 So, I came back from shopping to find the entire ground floor under three 175 00:10:55,170 --> 00:10:56,170 of foam. 176 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,450 What, you've had the fire brigade round? 177 00:10:57,730 --> 00:11:01,010 No, the carpet cleaners came a day early and the stupid au pair let them in. 178 00:11:01,750 --> 00:11:04,790 I told Marcus we shouldn't have a German, but he said live and let live. 179 00:11:07,510 --> 00:11:10,710 I had all the girls coming over for coffee this afternoon. What am I going 180 00:11:10,710 --> 00:11:12,230 do? I can't make them all sit in the kitchen. 181 00:11:12,570 --> 00:11:15,310 Of course not. I bet he's hardly bigger than a tennis court eye. 182 00:11:16,410 --> 00:11:17,790 I'll get one, Sal. 183 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:22,830 I'm not one to interfere. 184 00:11:23,650 --> 00:11:26,170 And God knows cleaners are hard to find. 185 00:11:27,950 --> 00:11:31,250 But if mine spoke to me like that, Sharon's my sister. 186 00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:33,570 Really? 187 00:11:35,390 --> 00:11:37,030 You've decorated beautifully. 188 00:11:37,910 --> 00:11:38,910 Thank you. 189 00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,950 Oh, is this your son? 190 00:11:41,370 --> 00:11:44,070 Garth, he's a white fisk. That's a public school. 191 00:11:44,310 --> 00:11:45,810 Oh, public school. 192 00:11:46,210 --> 00:11:48,110 Well, we want him to learn to talk proper. 193 00:11:50,119 --> 00:11:54,080 Naturally. So, how are you settling in in our exclusive little enclave? 194 00:11:54,780 --> 00:11:56,440 What? Ryan Close. 195 00:11:56,660 --> 00:11:58,040 Oh, you mean Ryan's here. 196 00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,360 Oh, it's lovely. 197 00:11:59,540 --> 00:12:00,920 Bit quiet, mind. Yeah. 198 00:12:01,520 --> 00:12:03,180 People do keep themselves to themselves. 199 00:12:04,540 --> 00:12:06,180 I've just had the most wonderful idea. 200 00:12:06,580 --> 00:12:10,400 I was going to have a little get -together for a few friends later before 201 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:11,720 disaster with the deep pile. 202 00:12:12,180 --> 00:12:13,800 What are you up to this afternoon? 203 00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:15,260 Well, we was going shopping. 204 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,299 Kettle's on. 205 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,500 Tea, coffee or pot noodle? 206 00:12:20,340 --> 00:12:24,500 Even better, because actually, my coffee afternoon was going to be in the nature 207 00:12:24,500 --> 00:12:25,640 of a product party. 208 00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:27,340 What? 209 00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:31,160 It's a way of viewing and buying high -quality merchandise at wholesale prices 210 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,500 in the comfort and privacy of your own home without any high -pressure 211 00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:36,280 salesmanship. Say you'll do it, you'll be saving my life. 212 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:38,080 No. 213 00:12:38,540 --> 00:12:41,080 That's, uh, sort of like a tap -a -wear party, then, eh? 214 00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:45,760 I like to think it's a tit -up market from plastic boxes for leftovers, dear. 215 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,200 to put me in me place, innit? 216 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:54,420 And Tracy, the party hostess gets a 15 % commission and all she has to do is 217 00:12:54,420 --> 00:12:55,560 supply the nibbles and the drinkies. 218 00:12:55,840 --> 00:12:58,160 You could easily pick up 40 or 50 pounds. Pin money. 219 00:12:58,460 --> 00:13:00,640 Thank you, Dorian, but I don't need pin money. 220 00:13:00,960 --> 00:13:01,960 Oh, I do. 221 00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,360 I'll be your hostess. 222 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:11,020 Thank you, dear, but I don't think my friends want to slap out to a council 223 00:13:11,020 --> 00:13:13,800 in a tower block where the lift doesn't work and your cabriolet gets vandalised 224 00:13:13,800 --> 00:13:14,800 while you're still in it. 225 00:13:15,290 --> 00:13:16,530 You've been telling her where I live. 226 00:13:18,170 --> 00:13:19,270 Just a lucky guess. 227 00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:45,400 Why am I doing this? 228 00:13:45,460 --> 00:13:48,020 I don't want Tupperware. I don't need Tupperware. 229 00:13:48,320 --> 00:13:50,080 I don't even like Tupperware. 230 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:53,080 It ain't Tupperware, Trace. What? 231 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:57,000 I've just seen that door and I'm packing her gear. 232 00:13:57,340 --> 00:13:59,060 And no way is it Tupperware. 233 00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:00,660 Oh well, they're stomach. 234 00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:01,940 What is it then? 235 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,320 Perfume? Jewellery? 236 00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,000 Look. 237 00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:10,840 I ain't got a, you know. 238 00:14:16,750 --> 00:14:19,190 I would. I thought it'd make Chris pay any attention. 239 00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:23,930 Mind you, anyone notice me in bed if I had a picture of Gary Lineker tattooed 240 00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:24,930 me bum? 241 00:14:25,350 --> 00:14:27,490 I just don't want this stuff in my hair. 242 00:14:28,150 --> 00:14:29,150 Oh, there, nothing. 243 00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,990 Everything else in the front room needs batteries. 244 00:14:34,290 --> 00:14:36,530 Don't worry, I'm going to tell her to sling her a rock. 245 00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,550 What the hell do you think you're doing? 246 00:14:38,810 --> 00:14:39,810 Action stations. 247 00:14:56,240 --> 00:14:57,500 Oh, I am pimpy. 248 00:14:57,720 --> 00:14:58,960 I really am. 249 00:14:59,500 --> 00:15:00,740 Just a big space. 250 00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,160 Go on, what's the damage? 251 00:15:03,460 --> 00:15:05,040 Damage? These are perfect goods. 252 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,740 I mean, how much did it cost? 253 00:15:08,520 --> 00:15:09,520 £75. 254 00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:12,860 Blimey. You must have it. It's so you. 255 00:15:16,380 --> 00:15:19,300 Nothing that costs £75 is so me. 256 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:22,820 It's money well spent, darling. It'll put the magic back in your marriage. 257 00:15:23,450 --> 00:15:25,690 I think Paul Daniels could put the magic back in his mind. 258 00:15:28,030 --> 00:15:29,730 Look at, I'm all about you, Troy. 259 00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,910 You've got the figure for me. 260 00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:35,870 He said, knock your damn socks off if he come home and see you in this. 261 00:15:36,150 --> 00:15:39,010 Our marriage doesn't need artificial age, thank you very much. 262 00:15:39,250 --> 00:15:41,270 I thought you said you'd been married for 14 years. 263 00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:42,650 I have. 264 00:15:43,450 --> 00:15:45,010 Childhood sweethearts they were. 265 00:15:45,490 --> 00:15:47,750 Met in Woodbury Down, comprehensive in detention. 266 00:15:49,330 --> 00:15:51,070 She's never been out with another bloke. 267 00:15:51,390 --> 00:15:52,530 Let alone slept with one. 268 00:15:52,970 --> 00:15:53,970 Do you mind, Matthew? 269 00:15:54,190 --> 00:15:55,510 No, it's sweet. 270 00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:57,010 I was the same. 271 00:15:57,870 --> 00:16:00,330 I met my husband on a kibbutz when I was 18. 272 00:16:01,970 --> 00:16:05,670 We were engaged for three years and I was still a virgin when I got married. 273 00:16:05,970 --> 00:16:09,070 Good for you. It was only later I started going out with other men. 274 00:16:10,090 --> 00:16:11,790 You mean you're two -timing? 275 00:16:12,410 --> 00:16:15,190 Absolutely not. I'm utterly faithful to Luke. 276 00:16:15,910 --> 00:16:17,730 Thought your old man's name was Marcus. 277 00:16:18,130 --> 00:16:19,130 He is. 278 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,220 But Marcus and I haven't had a physical relationship since October 1987. 279 00:16:23,100 --> 00:16:25,880 No, it was the stock market crash, you see. It rendered him impotent. 280 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:30,820 And though the FT index has staged a remarkable upturn since then, Marcus 281 00:16:30,820 --> 00:16:31,820 hasn't. 282 00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:34,460 Who is this Luke, then? 283 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:35,680 Sharon? No. 284 00:16:36,320 --> 00:16:37,340 Twenty -three. 285 00:16:38,220 --> 00:16:42,100 He's gorgeous, and he works for Lundquist Kitchen. 286 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,520 We met when he came round to measure up, and boy, did he measure up. 287 00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,730 Sorry, Dorian, but I think it's all disgusting. 288 00:16:50,230 --> 00:16:54,230 You con me into having this party, you bring round all these horrible, smutty 289 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,930 gadgets, and then you talk about knocking off other fellas. 290 00:16:57,290 --> 00:17:00,190 All right, Tracy, don't be such a prude. 291 00:17:00,790 --> 00:17:04,829 Just because you've got a perfect marriage and a perfect husband and a 292 00:17:04,829 --> 00:17:08,710 house, don't mean the rest of us poor also -rans can't have a bit of fun. 293 00:17:09,150 --> 00:17:10,150 Thank you, Sharon. 294 00:17:10,670 --> 00:17:12,910 Though I'd rather it than being called an also -ran. 295 00:17:15,849 --> 00:17:19,710 Well, I'm sorry if you're offended by my presence, by my attempt to befriend 296 00:17:19,710 --> 00:17:23,210 you, to introduce you to my social circle, to ease your way into Tidwell's 297 00:17:23,210 --> 00:17:24,210 society. 298 00:17:24,630 --> 00:17:28,670 If you are so morally far above us, then I shall pack up my harmless love toys 299 00:17:28,670 --> 00:17:31,550 and vanish from your life as suddenly as I entered it. 300 00:17:33,770 --> 00:17:34,910 Thank God. What for? 301 00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:36,350 Go on. No, go on. 302 00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,570 It was nice meeting you, Sharon. 303 00:17:39,290 --> 00:17:41,870 You might live in a slum, but you do have a certain grace. 304 00:17:45,740 --> 00:17:49,520 Sorry, it's my fault today and I'm making a man out of a mowhill. She's got 305 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:50,520 cream that does that. 306 00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,840 I accept your apology, dear. 307 00:17:58,980 --> 00:18:03,000 Look, you must have something to please this incredible husband of yours. Not 308 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:04,660 one of the battery -powered items, obviously. 309 00:18:04,880 --> 00:18:06,600 But how about a camisole? 310 00:18:07,000 --> 00:18:08,080 No, he's got an umbrella. 311 00:18:11,520 --> 00:18:12,520 So, Jo... 312 00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:15,680 what a camisole is, all right? 313 00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:19,120 Oh, it's gorgeous. 314 00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:21,000 Thank you. How much? 315 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:22,400 Have it on me, dear. 316 00:18:22,880 --> 00:18:24,340 Then you can have it on Daryl. 317 00:18:24,660 --> 00:18:25,660 No, 318 00:18:26,060 --> 00:18:27,060 come on, I've got to pay. 319 00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:29,060 No, please, it's just a manufactured sample. 320 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:31,260 Oh, well, if you're sure, then. Of course. 321 00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:32,780 So you owe me a favour. 322 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,000 Are you going to model it for us then, Trace? 323 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:36,240 Do you mind? 324 00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,780 This is for my Daryl's eyes only. 325 00:18:38,560 --> 00:18:40,040 What's his eyes got to do with it? 326 00:18:45,189 --> 00:18:46,189 Rick, careful! 327 00:18:50,510 --> 00:18:57,290 Have you caught that white zepper? 328 00:18:57,870 --> 00:18:58,870 Yeah, it's smart. 329 00:18:59,290 --> 00:19:00,490 You're joking, aren't you? 330 00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:01,750 No. 331 00:19:04,870 --> 00:19:07,630 Wasn't it a white zepper that failed to stop an accident in Bowes Park this 332 00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:09,670 morning? I think we'll have chummy. 333 00:19:28,020 --> 00:19:30,680 Tracy, dear, you know that favour you said you owed me? 334 00:19:30,960 --> 00:19:31,960 No. 335 00:19:32,220 --> 00:19:33,600 When I gave you the camisole. 336 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:37,120 Since I showed you the favour, you said that... Well, let's not sit here. 337 00:19:37,940 --> 00:19:41,200 The thing is, Luke's got two tickets for Frost at Wembley tonight. 338 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,440 You're a bit old for popcorn, substantial. 339 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:48,280 You're as young as the man you feel, dear. 340 00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:54,520 Oh, now, I like that. That is good, isn't it good? Anyway, the thing is, I 341 00:19:54,520 --> 00:19:57,500 an alibi to tell Marcus tomorrow. So do you mind if I say I went to the ballet 342 00:19:57,500 --> 00:19:58,359 with you? 343 00:19:58,360 --> 00:19:59,660 Yeah, I don't mind if it happens. 344 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:01,820 I thought you went to the ballet with me, if you want. 345 00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,060 With respect, Sharon, it has to be a plausible alibi. 346 00:20:11,180 --> 00:20:12,180 Yeah? 347 00:20:15,220 --> 00:20:16,220 David, bud. 348 00:20:16,380 --> 00:20:17,540 Yeah? CID. 349 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:18,840 Can we have a quiet word? 350 00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:32,120 I know I should never let you talk me into it. Me? What have I done? 351 00:20:32,360 --> 00:20:33,580 It's only the old Bill, isn't it? 352 00:20:33,940 --> 00:20:34,940 Old Bill who? 353 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:38,940 Lily Lordorian. 354 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:40,320 Bill? Lily? 355 00:20:40,860 --> 00:20:41,860 I'm completely confused. 356 00:20:42,340 --> 00:20:43,760 What's she talked you into, love? 357 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,040 Don't say nothing without a brief, Trace. 358 00:20:47,340 --> 00:20:49,320 Don't talk to me about sudden briefs. 359 00:20:50,600 --> 00:20:54,020 Look, it weren't my idea to have this stupid six -day party. I've got nothing 360 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,200 hide. So who tipped you off, eh? 361 00:20:56,760 --> 00:21:00,260 One of them mates of yours is a grub. Look, there's nothing illegal about 362 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,520 that go bonk in the night, love. 363 00:21:04,420 --> 00:21:06,740 If I were you, I'd try marriage guidance first. 364 00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,039 Do you mind? 365 00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:09,340 I've got a perfect marriage. 366 00:21:09,780 --> 00:21:12,220 And? I think I'd better be going. 367 00:21:12,460 --> 00:21:13,199 Who are you? 368 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:14,200 Just a neighbour. 369 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,320 What about you? 370 00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:16,540 I'm her sister. 371 00:21:16,960 --> 00:21:18,000 Ah, so. 372 00:21:18,540 --> 00:21:21,940 You're Sharon Theo... Theo Dollyplops. 373 00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,940 it's been for eight years and I can't still pronounce it. 374 00:21:28,540 --> 00:21:29,539 So what do you want, eh? 375 00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:31,120 Well, there ain't been an accident, has there? 376 00:21:31,740 --> 00:21:32,940 No, I wouldn't call it an accident. 377 00:21:33,220 --> 00:21:34,220 What's happened? 378 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,440 Well, now, how can we put it, eh? 379 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:38,240 Oh, I know. 380 00:21:38,840 --> 00:21:41,800 You, um, you want to stock up on these six days, love? 381 00:21:42,740 --> 00:21:45,740 Because you won't be having any nookie with your husband again this century. 382 00:21:56,170 --> 00:21:57,170 Oh, well. 383 00:21:57,610 --> 00:22:00,910 Now to run the gauntlet of all them slags. It can't be that bad. 384 00:22:01,610 --> 00:22:02,750 You try living here. 385 00:22:03,550 --> 00:22:04,550 No, thanks. 386 00:22:04,850 --> 00:22:05,850 Exactly. 387 00:22:07,170 --> 00:22:10,030 Tell you, Trace, hopefully I can take much more of this. 388 00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:11,630 You go, for the boys. 389 00:22:12,130 --> 00:22:15,870 He could be on remand for ages, but once he comes to trial and they get off... 390 00:22:15,870 --> 00:22:17,090 Get off? 391 00:22:17,930 --> 00:22:18,930 Get off? 392 00:22:19,910 --> 00:22:21,950 Trace, the law firm shouldn't be in the car. 393 00:22:22,350 --> 00:22:23,950 There's no way they're going to get off. 394 00:22:25,680 --> 00:22:26,900 Oh, well. Keep smiling. 395 00:22:46,620 --> 00:22:53,260 And you know they're right. It really does... It does get the wash clean, 396 00:22:53,460 --> 00:22:54,940 even at low temperature. 397 00:22:55,780 --> 00:22:56,780 It's all right, lady. 398 00:22:57,200 --> 00:22:59,420 No need to change the subject on my account. 399 00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:01,000 I know who you're talking about. 400 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:04,540 It ain't every day we get an armed robber on our floor, is it? Yeah. 401 00:23:04,900 --> 00:23:08,660 You normally have to make do with drunks and wife beaters like your elf. 402 00:23:08,980 --> 00:23:12,140 Where's the money from all these raids? That's what I'd like to know. 403 00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:16,040 You don't fool us by walking around in all your cheap clothes from the market. 404 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:18,880 The sun reckons you must be sitting on half a million. 405 00:23:19,530 --> 00:23:24,010 And if I was, do you think I'd still be living in this car, Zee? If you ask me, 406 00:23:24,150 --> 00:23:26,910 it's your fault your Chris turned to crime. 407 00:23:27,430 --> 00:23:28,430 You what? 408 00:23:28,690 --> 00:23:31,610 He gave me a lift home the night before he was nicked. 409 00:23:31,930 --> 00:23:32,930 That was nice of him. 410 00:23:33,150 --> 00:23:36,730 Yeah, he'd just got that new Ford Zephyr. 411 00:23:37,670 --> 00:23:40,850 Anyhow, we got talking... Before or after? 412 00:23:41,410 --> 00:23:44,430 And he was saying how you couldn't give him babies. 413 00:23:44,650 --> 00:23:47,930 And what a disgrace that is for a Greek Cypriot bloke. 414 00:23:48,620 --> 00:23:51,820 He was very upset, and you comforted him. 415 00:23:52,020 --> 00:23:54,800 Yeah, I tried to cheer him up. 416 00:23:55,020 --> 00:23:59,800 Well, after you finished cheering him up, you left your knickers in the glove 417 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:00,800 compartment. 418 00:24:03,640 --> 00:24:08,460 And when stopped, could give no satisfactory explanation for the 419 00:24:08,460 --> 00:24:12,460 thorn -off shotguns in the boot of the Ford Zephyr, owned by Mr. 420 00:24:12,680 --> 00:24:13,680 Theodore... 421 00:24:19,080 --> 00:24:20,500 The jury know who I mean. 422 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,820 Finally, we have the matter of the large accumulator wager placed by Mr. 423 00:24:28,480 --> 00:24:33,600 Stubbs, co -defendant, a bare half an hour after the security van was raided 424 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,720 outside Mothercare, Newport Packnall. 425 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:42,320 We have heard how banknotes stolen during this evil armed robbery were 426 00:24:42,320 --> 00:24:46,760 from the turf accountant's office and subsequently were found to bear the 427 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:47,960 fingerprints of... 428 00:24:49,650 --> 00:24:53,730 of the aforementioned individual of Greek Cypriot extraction. 429 00:24:55,070 --> 00:24:59,070 Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, as you retire to consider your verdict. 430 00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:03,630 Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, have you reached a verdict? 431 00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:06,690 Yes. Is it the verdict of you all? 432 00:25:07,170 --> 00:25:10,950 Yes. How do you find the defendants, guilty or not guilty? 433 00:25:11,430 --> 00:25:13,170 Guilty. Oh, no. 434 00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:19,840 Daryl Kevin Stubbs and Christopher Theodore. 435 00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:23,740 Dr. Theodore got a lot of this, you stupid old fart. 436 00:25:28,580 --> 00:25:30,360 You are in contempt of court. 437 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:33,600 Big deal. I'm there for a tense stretch anyway, am I not? 438 00:25:34,860 --> 00:25:38,340 I sentence you both to serve 12 years imprisonment. 439 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:41,940 Take them down. 440 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,980 Afraid they'll hear often in your most exclusively homosexual atmosphere of 441 00:25:46,980 --> 00:25:48,200 average top security crew. 442 00:25:49,720 --> 00:25:50,960 You dare all? 443 00:25:51,560 --> 00:25:52,660 Wait for me, Tracy. 444 00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:54,360 Wait for me at all, Sharon. 445 00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,460 What? You bloody joke. 446 00:26:13,800 --> 00:26:15,220 Let us see him, you callous sod. 447 00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:19,280 I'm sorry, madam, but the charcoal leaves are funky brixton in five 448 00:26:19,380 --> 00:26:21,420 time. You wouldn't want them to miss their tea, would you? 449 00:26:21,780 --> 00:26:23,080 It's spanned this afternoon. 450 00:26:24,300 --> 00:26:26,680 Come to think of it, it's spanned most afternoons. 451 00:26:27,740 --> 00:26:30,700 I tell you what, get yourselves round to the tradesman's entrance. 452 00:26:30,900 --> 00:26:32,020 Maybe you can give him a wave goodbye. 453 00:26:59,660 --> 00:27:00,660 What do you think he saw me? 454 00:27:01,380 --> 00:27:02,540 I don't know, Trace. 455 00:27:03,100 --> 00:27:04,920 Those windows are just slits, aren't they? 456 00:27:05,140 --> 00:27:06,560 Oh, I'm sure I saw him waving. 457 00:27:08,100 --> 00:27:09,600 Yeah, of course you did. 458 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:12,320 Come on, let's go, eh? 459 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,440 What am I going to do, Shell? I'm gutted. 460 00:27:20,740 --> 00:27:22,120 It's like being widowed. 461 00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:24,360 It was my whole life. 462 00:27:25,580 --> 00:27:27,600 I haven't let myself think about it till now. 463 00:27:27,980 --> 00:27:29,500 What's Garth going to do without her dad? 464 00:27:31,000 --> 00:27:32,000 And the house. 465 00:27:32,200 --> 00:27:33,420 It'll be so big and empty. 466 00:27:35,420 --> 00:27:37,100 I don't even know how to change a plug. 467 00:27:37,800 --> 00:27:38,800 I do. 468 00:27:39,460 --> 00:27:40,480 I'm dreading it, Shell. 469 00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:42,560 I'm dreading going home on my own. 470 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:47,700 Look, if you like, I'll stay with you for a bit, eh? 471 00:27:48,260 --> 00:27:49,560 Until you're feeling yourself again. 472 00:27:50,120 --> 00:27:53,500 We'll just pop back to the tip and I'll excavate a few clothes, all right? You 473 00:27:53,500 --> 00:27:54,520 don't want to come home with me. 474 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:56,360 You've got your own life to lead, don't you? 475 00:27:56,930 --> 00:27:57,930 True. 476 00:28:02,150 --> 00:28:03,390 I'd rather leave, John. 477 00:28:04,870 --> 00:28:06,990 Oh! Oh! What? 478 00:28:08,010 --> 00:28:09,690 I let you show, didn't I? 479 00:28:10,450 --> 00:28:11,870 Oh, come on. 480 00:28:31,340 --> 00:28:38,040 And I'm alone with only three of you.